Here’s a list of the best Dad Jokes we’ve heard. Don’t say we never say, some of these Dad Jokes might really make you want to vomit blood!
- Do you know why the palm tree got struck by the lightning? Well, it suay-ed.
2. Do you know why the mantou did not cry when his mother died? Well, the mantou has no filling.
- I told my dad that my leg is very suan (Chinese for sore). My dad replied, “You stepped on lemon is it?”
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- How many letters are you familiar with in the English Language? I’m only familiar with 25, I don’t know WHY.
- Do you know what prisoners use to call each other? CELL phones.
- Do you know why the bike could not stand up by itself? Well, it was two-tyred.
- Do you know why the vampire didn’t attack Taylor Swift? Well, she had bad blood.
- What is your blood type? Red.
- Do you know what you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A frostbite!
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
- So, can February March? Nope! But, April May!
- Why wasn’t the lady happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total rip off.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bi-son!
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Well, no-body knows!
- Do you know why a crab or lobster will never share? Well, they’re both SHELLFISH.
- Guess what time did the man visit the dentist? He went at Tooth Hurt-y.
- Why should you read this book about anti-gravity? Well, it is really impossible to put down!
- Did you know the first French Fries were not cooked in France? They were actually cooked in Greece!
- I will not tell you the joke about the piece of paper. It was tearable.
- Do you know what you become if you witness a robbery at an Apple Store? You become an iWitness.
- Do you know why the invisible man turned down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
- I used to hold a job at a calendar factory. But, I got fired because I took a couple of days off!
- Do you know how you can make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
- I asked my dad if he was alright. He answered, “Nope, I’m half left.”
- My mum asked, “How do I look?” Dad answered, “With your eyes.”
- Do you know what the horse said after it tripped? Help! I can’t giddy-up!
- You know what they always say, don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
- Have you heard of the restaurant on the moon? There was great food, but no atmosphere.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
- Do you know how a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Do you know why the scarecrow won the award? Well, it was outstanding in his field.
- Do you know why skeletons can never go trick or treating? Well, they have no-body to go with!
- I told my dad I’ll call him later. He replied, “Don’t call me later. Call me dad.”
- Do you want to hear a joke about construction? Not really. Well, I’m still working on it.
- What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Na-cho cheese!
- Do you know what the grape did when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
- My dad told me to avoid this sushi. It was a little fishy.
- Do you know why you will never see elephants hiding in the trees? Reason being, they’re too good at it!
- Do you know why bananas need sunscreen? Well, they PEEL all the time!
- What do you call a fish that is made of only 2 atoms? A 2-Na (Tuna).
- My dad always told me he never trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
- Did you hear the rumour going around about the butter? Nah, I shouldn’t spread it.
- What does our house wear? A-dress.
- My wife told me I’m only average. I told her she’s mean.
- My dad just had seafood last night and now he’s eel.
- Why wasn’t I hurt when I got hit in the head by a can of Coke? Well, it was a soft drink.
- Why did the man name his dogs “Timex” and “Rolex”? Well, they were watchdogs!
- My dad told me he was addicted to the hokey pokey. Thankfully, he managed to turn himself around.
- You should sell your vacuum cleaner. It is just gathering dust.
What other dad jokes have you heard of? Share your best dad jokes with us in the comments below!
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