In the spirit of Father’s Day, here’s a list of the best Dad Jokes we’ve heard. Don’t say we never say, some of these might really make you want to vomit blood!
- Do you know why the palm tree got struck by the lightning? Because it suay-ed.
- Do you know why the mantou did not cry when his mother died? Because the mantou has no filling.
- I told my leg very suan (Chinese for sore). My dad replied, “You stepped on lemon is it?”
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- How many letters are you familiar with in the English Language? I’m only familiar with 25, I don’t know WHY.
- Do you know what prisoners use to call each other? CELL phones.
- Do you know why the bike could not stand up by itself? Because it was two-tyred.
- Do you know why the vampire didn’t attack Taylor Swift? It was because she had bad blood.
- What is your blood type? Red.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A frostbite!
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
- So, can February March? Nope! But, April May!
- Why wasn’t the lady happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total rip off.
- Do you know what the buffalo said to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bi-son!
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Well, no-body knows!
- Do you know why a crab or lobster will never share? Because they’re both SHELLFISH.
- Guess what time did the man visit the dentist? He went at Tooth Hurt-y.
- Why should you read this book about anti-gravity? Because it is really impossible to put down!
- Did you know the first French Fries were not cooked in France? They were actually cooked in Greece!
- I will not tell you the joke about the piece of paper. Because, it was tearable.
- Do you know what you become if you witness a robbery at an Apple Store? You become an iWitness.
- Do you know why the invisible man turned down the job offer? It was because he couldn’t see himself doing it!
- I used to hold a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took a couple of days off!
- Do you know how you can make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
- I asked my dad if he was alright. He answered, “Nope, I’m half left.”
- My mum asked, “How do I look?” Dad answered, “With your eyes.”
- Do you know what the horse said after it tripped? Help! I can’t giddy-up!
- You know what they always say, don’t trust atoms. Because they make up everything!
- Have you heard of the restaurant on the moon? There was great food, but no atmosphere.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
- Do you know how a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Do you know why the scarecrow won the award? It was because it was outstanding in his field.
- Do you know why skeletons can never go trick or treating? Because they have no-body to go with!
- I told my dad I’ll call him later. He replied, “Don’t call me later. Call me dad.”
- Do you want to hear a joke about construction? Not at the moment, because I’m still working on it.
- What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Na-cho cheese!
- What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
- My dad told me to avoid this sushi. Just because it was a little fishy.
- Do you know why you will never see elephants hiding in the trees? Because they’re so good at it!
- Do you know why bananas need sunscreen? Because they PEEL all the time!
- What do you call a fish that is made of only 2 atoms? A 2-Na (Tuna).
- My dad always told me he never trust stairs. Because they’re always up to something.
- Did you hear the rumour going around about the butter? Nah, I shouldn’t spread it.
- What does our house wear? A-dress.
- My wife told me I’m only average. I told her she’s mean.
- My dad just had seafood last night and now he’s eel.
- Do you know why it did not hurt when I got hit in the head with a can of Coke today? Because it was a soft drink.
- Why did the man name his dogs “Timex” and “Rolex”? Well, because they were watchdogs!
- My dad told me he was addicted to the hokey pokey. But, he managed to turn himself around.
- You should sell your vacuum cleaner. It is just gathering dust.
What other dad jokes have you heard of? Share it with us in the comments below!
Ppst, in case you haven’t already got your old man a present, here’s a guide on what your dad might (secretly) want to receive this year! #yourewelcome
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